By the time the smoke cleared Tuesday night, carnage stretched far and wide across Streakland.
That twisted hulk of hope and dreams out your left window? It’s a four-gamer dismembered by Robinson Cano. The steaming wreckage on your right? It’s barely recognizable now, but that thing was five games before it ran into Ichiro Suzuki.
And of course, there’s the 10.4 percent of you — err, us — who picked Hanley Ramirez …
We know it was painful to watch, but it’s better that you witnessed this. Six of Tuesday’s top eight picks went south, taking more than 30 percent of all Streakers back to square one with them. Only Albert Pujols and Howard Kendrick escaped unscathed.
In times like these, we have no choice but to carry on. No choice but to build our newest streaks longer and stronger than those that have fallen by the wayside. Be strong, Streakers. Grief counselors are standing by in the comments.
(Make a BTS pick)
Oh, hello there …
• Ryan Zimmerman: .619 AVG (13-for-21) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad
• Manny Ramirez: .500 AVG (16-for-32) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Dan Haren
• Joe Mauer: .455 AVG (10-for-22) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Freddy Garcia
• Juan Pierre: .385 AVG (10-for-26) since ’06 vs. Royals starter Jeff Francis
• Orlando Hudson: .438 AVG (7-for-16) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Tim Lincecum
• Chris Coghlan: .556 AVG (5-for-9) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Livan Hernandez
Feeling kinda spicy?
• Jason Kubel: .636 AVG (7-for-11) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Freddy Garcia
• Melky Cabrera: .571 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle
You’ll thank me later …
• Jayson Werth: .050 AVG (1-for-20) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad
• Ben Zobrist: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Dan Haren
• Placido Polanco: .091 AVG (1-for-11) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Mike Pelfrey
• Josh Hamilton: .194 AVG (6-for-31) since ’06 vs. Mariners starter Felix Hernandez
• Jose Reyes: .133 AVG (2-for-13) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Joe Blanton
Four Games (4/1/2011-4/4/2011)
You never forget your first.