Well, well, well, look who finally jumped on the bandwagon.
Dodgers outfielder/lip-balm pitchman Andre Ethier was the top plantain yesterday for the first time since April 24, advancing 14.5 percent of Streakers one day closer to living out their own personal $5.6 million fantasies.
We’re thinking private island retreat accessible only by helicopter or jet ski, with a fully operational water park on site. Oh, and a 24/7 make-your-own omelet station. That should be doable for under $5 mill, no?
The extra $600K is for a scientist to invent an ice cream that won’t melt while we enjoy it on the white-sand beach of said island. We could then patent the ice cream recipe and lease it out to other online contest winners for use on their own private islands. That’s called “investing.” You’ll learn about it when you’re older, Streakers.
Until then, we offer the steady growth portfolio of blue-chip, bear-market, dividend-payin’ goodness below.
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Oh, hello there …
• Alexei Ramirez: .435 AVG (10-for-23) since ’06 vs. Twins starter Nick Blackburn
• Freddy Sanchez: .571 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Chris Capuano
• Matt Kemp: .556 AVG (5-for-9) since ’06 vs. Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano
• Marlon Byrd: .556 AVG (5-for-9) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Ted Lilly
• Andre Ethier: .438 AVG (7-for-16) since ’06 vs. Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano
• Miguel Cabrera: .400 AVG (8-for-20) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Freddy Garcia
Feeling kinda spicy?
• Michael Cuddyer: .458 AVG (22-for-48) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter John Danks
• A.J. Pierzynski: .414 AVG (12-for-29) since ’06 vs. Twins starter Nick Blackburn
You’ll thank me later …
• Rickie Weeks: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Tim Hudson
• David Wright: .133 AVG (2-for-15) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Tim Lincecum
• Justin Upton: .000 AVG (0-for-8) since ’06 vs. Rockies starter Jhoulys Chacin
• Lance Berkman: .125 AVG (1-for-8) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Javier Vazquez
Top MLB streakers
Andre Ethier: 29 games
Jacoby Ellsbury: 12 games
Brett Wallace: 11 games
Adrian Gonzalez: 10 games
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