Matt Kemp has been one of the season’s most dangerous rakebots, delighting Dodgers fans, Rihanna haters and BTS pickers alike with his nightly heroism in the batter’s box.
The multitalented jet-ski racer/destroyer of baseballs disappointed on Tuesday, however, snapping a modest six-game hit streak with an 0-for-4 against the Marlins and resetting the odometer on 8.8 percent of all streaks.
Trust us, Streakers, this one hurts. We were working on a little season-high run of our own, and Chris Volstad looked like a pretty tasty matchup. That dude hands out hits like they’re mini American flags at a Fourth of July parade.
Three hours later: Strikeout, flyout, popout, groundout. Cool! He hit for the out cycle! (Note: not cool at all).
At least those of you who lost with Kemp can take solace in the fact that your fellow Streakers nailed the next six most popular choices. Nope, no solace provided at all. We remain unsolsified. Or is it unsolacized?
The lesson, as always: Pick Ethier.
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Oh, hello there …
• Nick Swisher: .538 AVG (7-for-13) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle
• Carl Crawford: .395 AVG (15-for-38) since ’06 vs. Orioles starter Jeremy Guthrie
• Jay Bruce: .545 AVG (6-for-11) since ’06 vs. Brewers starter Yovani Gallardo
• Jacoby Ellsbury: .393 AVG (11-for-28) since ’06 vs. Orioles starter Jeremy Guthrie
• Robinson Cano: .455 AVG (5-for-11) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle
• Justin Upton: .444 AVG (4-for-9) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Cole Hamels
Feeling kinda spicy?
• Luke Scott: .474 AVG (9-for-19) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter Josh Beckett
You’ll thank me later …
• Kelly Johnson: .174 AVG (4-for-23) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Cole Hamels
• Hanley Ramirez: .182 AVG (2-for-11) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Chad Billingsley
• Michael Bourn: .167 AVG (4-for-24) since ’06 vs. Cardinals starter Kyle Lohse
• Jose Reyes: .176 AVG (2-for-12) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Tom Gorzelanny
• David DeJesus: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Dan Haren
Kiss bit the big one with Joseph Votto last night, leaving cleopatravijal alone atop the standings pyramid at 24 games. You’re almost halfway there, cleo. Just remember the old saying: Denial is more than picking Carl Crawford every day.
Top MLB streakers
Andre Ethier: 23 games
Alex Gordon: 19 games
Jeff Francoeur: 15 games
Johnny Damon: 13 games
Brian Roberts: 12 games
(Make a BTS pick)