First Josh Hamilton and now Joe Mauer — your favorite streak picks are dropping like fries! That’s the expression, right? Because kids can’t hold onto their French fries and they end up all over the floor? Such a funny language, English.

Anyway, Ichiro Suzuki was seen leaving Kauffman Stadium in a full-body cast last night as a precaution, and Hanley Ramirez has asked that we remove him from the game just to be safe.

Not dropping like fries: most of your streaks. Robinson Cano went 2-for-5 last night to advance more than 15 percent of all Streakers, and Ichiro teamed up with Shane Victorino to bring another 10 percent into the weekend with their hit strings — and their dignity — fully intact.

We know it’s early, but 11 of you are a perfect 15-for-15 on the season. In the words of Teddy K.G.B., you must feel proud and good! So how ’bout this: last man, woman, child or bear standing in this season-opening Royal Rumble gets to answer a few questions and make a celebrity pick here on the Report.

Oh, you’re going to pick Ronny Cedeno because he probably won’t get a hit and it’ll be funny? LOL! Note: Don’t you dare.

Friday’s picks:

(Make a BTS pick)

Oh, hello there …

• Ryan Braun: .474 AVG (9-for-19) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Tom Gorzelanny

• Juan Pierre: .435 AVG (10-for-23) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Jered Weaver

• Hanley Ramirez: .393 AVG (11-for-28) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Roy Oswalt

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Ross Gload: .469 AVG (15-for-32) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Javier Vazquez

You’ll thank me later …

• Paul Konerko: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Jered Weaver

• Lance Berkman: .158 AVG (3-for-19) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Jon Garland

Saturday’s picks:

(Make a BTS pick)

Oh, hello there …

• Brian McCann: .462 AVG (18-for-39) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Mike Pelfrey

• Ryan Braun: .467 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Jason Marquis

• Aubrey Huff: .444 AVG (8-for-18) since ’06 vs. Diamondbacks starter Joe Saunders

Yes, we said Hello There to Ryan Braun two days in a row. As far as we’re concerned, the entire BTS Report could be big photos of Braun with hearts and stars doodled on them.

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Aaron Hill: .438 AVG (23-for-32) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter Josh Beckett

You’ll thank me later …

• Angel Pagan: .095 AVG (2-for-21) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Jair Jurrjens

• Orlando Cabrera: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Orioles starter Jeremy Guthrie

Sunday’s picks:

(Make a BTS pick)

Oh, hello there …

• Ryan Howard: .478 AVG (11-for-23) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad

• Vernon Wells: .458 AVG (11-for-24) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle

• Chipper Jones: .556 AVG (5-for-9) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Chris Young

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Ryan Ludwick: .615 AVG (8-for-13) since ’06 vs. Astros starter Brett Myers

You’ll thank me later …

• Prince Fielder: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Livan Hernandez

• David Wright: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Tommy Hanson

Leaderboard time!

See above for season-opening Royal Rumble details. Use of the steel chair is not only allowed, but fully encouraged.

Top MLB streakers

Jose Reyes: 12 games

Andre Ethier: 11 games

Orlando Hudson: 10 games

Willie Bloomquist: 9 games

Alex Gordon: 9 games

After a day on which two of your top three picks didn’t play and the other (Raul Ibanez) went hitless, we’d normally look to the future.

But today — for the first time ever — we’re throwing the BTS Report time machine in reverse.

Dim the lights and cue the music, it’s time for Streak of the Week!

In this new whenever-we-feel-like-it-but-probably-not-more-than-once-per-week feature, we’ll regale you with lore and minutia from streaks and streakers past.

Today’s hero: Benito Santiago

The streak: 34 games, Aug. 25, 1987-Oct. 2, 1987

Stats: .346 (47-for-136), 5 HR, 19 RBIs

Fun facts*: Longest hitting streak by a catcher. … Longest hitting streak by a rookie. … Recorded three hits during streak while batting from his knees. … Also set record by converting 134 consecutive Top Gun-style high fives with Garry Templeton. … Extended streak to 11 games Sept. 5 while wearing his pants on backward. … Ate fish tacos prior to streak-ending Sept. 2 game. Has not eaten fish tacos since.

*Mostly not even close to true.

Welp, hopefully that was an educational trip down memory lane for everyone. Until next week (maybe) …

Thursday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Chipper Jones: .464 AVG (13-for-28) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Ricky Nolasco

• Joe Mauer: .444 AVG (8-for-18) since ’06 vs. Rays starter James Shields

• B.J. Upton: .500 AVG (7-for-14) since ’06 vs. Twins starter Carl Pavano

• Matt Holliday: .400 AVG (8-for-20) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Hiroki Kuroda

• Luke Scott: .538 AVG (7-for-13) since ’06  vs. Yankees starter Phil Hughes

• Jason Kubel: .538 AVG (8-for-17) since ’06  vs. Rays starter James Shields

Yes, Kubel has gone from spicy to hello there in less than 24 hours. Arbitrary!

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Ronny Cedeno: .500 AVG (9-for-19) since ’06  vs. Brewers starter Randy Wolf

• Matt Diaz: .438 AVG (7-for-16) since ’06  vs. Brewers starter Randy Wolf

 

You’ll thank me later …

• Prince Fielder: .071 AVG (3-for-42) since ’06 vs. Pirates starter Paul Maholm

• Denard Span: .063 AVG (1-for-16) since ’06 vs. Rays starter James Shields

• Albert Pujols: .111 AVG (1-for-9) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Hiroki Kuroda

 

Leaderboard time!

Weren’t like 60 of you perfect two days ago? Fifteen Streakers remain at a somewhat impressive 14-for-14 on the season.

 

Top MLB streakers

Andre Ethier: 10 games

Jose Reyes: 10 games

Willie Bloomquist: 9 games

Orlando Hudson: 9 games

(Make a BTS pick)

Josh Hamilton, Streakland raises a collective glass to you …

You carried gamers for weeks at a time in an MVP 2010 campaign, raking at a Major League-best .359 clip and piling up 186 base knocks in just 133 games.

You came out hot this season, batting .316 over your first 10 contests and recording at least one hit in your last seven straight.

And even on the tragic Tuesday when you fractured your humerus — nothing funny about it!* — while trying to score a foul popup, you left 5.3 percent of Streakers with one final parting gift: 1-for-1, 3B, RBI.

*Tip your waitresses, folks. And try the seal.

Get well soon, J-Ham — we’ll catch ya in 6-to-8.

With a temporarily heavy heart, we trudge through the dark malaise toward …

Wednesday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Raul Ibanez: .667 AVG (10-for-15) since ’06 vs. John Lannan

• Robinson Cano: .857 AVG (6-for-7) since ’06 vs. Orioles starter Chris Tillman

• Dustin Pedroia: .433 AVG (13-for-30) since ’06 vs. Rays starter James Shields

• Chris Coghlan: .545 AVG (6-for-11) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Tim Hudson

• Joe Mauer: .422 AVG (10-for-24) since ’06  vs. Royals starter Kyle Davies

• Matt Kemp: .379 AVG (11-for-29) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Jonathan Sanchez

Rain cannot stop Robinson Cano. It can only hope to delay him.

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Jason Kubel: .455 AVG (10-for-22) since ’06  vs. Royals starter Kyle Davies

Aww, that’s cute — Kubel’s twin Michael Cuddyer is jealous.

 

You’ll thank me later …

• Kevin Youkilis: .097 AVG (3-for-31) since ’06 vs. Rays starter James Shields

• Alfonso Soriano: .077 AVG (2-for-26) since ’06 vs. Astros starter Wandy Rodriguez

• Andre Ethier: .148 AVG (4-for-27) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Jonathan Sanchez

• Asdrubal Cabrera: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Ervin Santana

Yer still doin’ it wrong …

• Matt Wieters: .000 AVG (0-for-17) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter A.J. Burnett

Wieters is STILL hitless against Burett! How much longer can the madness continue?

 

Leaderboard time!

Twenty-seven Streakers have reached lucky number 13. Thank you, and please drive through.

 

Top MLB streakers

Jose Tabata: 10 games

Paul Konerko: 10 games

Michael Brantley: 9 games

Marlon Byrd: 9 games

Andre Ethier: 9 games

Jose Reyes: 9 games

(Make a BTS pick)

With more than 15 percent of your collective vote, Ichiro took home prom-king honors at Streakland High last night. No. 51 didn’t disappoint, either, slow dancin’ and romancin’ his way to two hits in four at-bats against Jesse Litsch and the Blue Jays.

Runner-up Todd Helton arrived stag and didn’t stay long, however, flying out in a lone pinch-hit appearance to end seven percent of all streaks.

It’s cool, Todd — you can still come to the afterparty. Tulo (2-for-4), CarGo (1-for-5) and Dex (1-for-4) will all be there, plus we heard speecy-spicy Seth Smith (3-for-4) spiked the punch.

Oh, and you know who else will be in attendance? Carlos Lee. Yesterday’s big-picture man wasn’t among your top 15 picks, but he still won the dance-off with a pair of singles in two at-bats.

Stick with the Report, Streakers. We’ve taken this limo ride many a time.

Tuesday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Robinson Cano: .857 AVG (6-for-7) since ’06 vs. Orioles starter Chris Tillman

• Chris Young: .500 AVG (6-for-12) since ’06 vs. Cardinals starter Chris Carpenter

• Coco Crisp: .409 AVG (9-for-22) since ’06  vs. White Sox starter Edwin Jackson

• Ian Desmond: .429 AVG (6-for-14) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Joe Blanton

• Ichiro Suzuki: .444 AVG (4-for-9) since ’06 vs. Blue Jays starter Ricky Romero

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Nate Schierholtz: .429 AVG (6-for-14) since ’06  vs. Dodgers starter Chad Billingsley

 

You’ll thank me later …

• Stephen Drew: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Cardinals starter Chris Carpenter

• Chris Coghlan: .083 AVG (1-for-12) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Tommy Hanson

• Matt Kemp: .143 AVG (3-for-21) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Tim Lincecum

• Brian McCann: .133 AVG (2-for-15) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad

• Torii Hunter: .179 AVG (5-for-28) since ’06 vs. Indians starter Fausto Carmona

 

Yer doin’ it wrong …

• Matt Wieters: .000 AVG (0-for-17) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter A.J. Burnett

New rule: Once you hit 0-for-15 or so, you get your own category. Call in the next 15 minutes to receive a gratuitous YouTube vid at no extra charge!

 

Leaderboard time!

Fifty-four perfect brackets remain. Quit picking Duke, people. Twelves over fives — let’s goooo!

 

Top MLB streakers

Jose Tabata: 10 games

Paul Konerko: 10 games

Michael Brantley: 9 games

Jose Reyes: 9 games

(Make a BTS pick)

Remember back in middle school gym when that one bully would always pants you in front of the whole class?

You’d come out of the locker room and start getting warmed up for Pickleball, and this guy would sneak up behind you and pull down your meshies so everyone could see your smiley-face Joe Boxers. This happened a solid three times per week for the duration of seventh grade.

The first couple days, he was just being mean. But after that, it was partially your own fault for not convincing your mom to buy you some gym shorts with a drawstring. And also your mom’s fault for not letting you go to the mall without her. Everyone else was allowed to … so unfair! I’m going to live with Joey’s parents! Wait, what?

Sorry to dredge up those deeply repressed memories — which definitely did not come from personal experience (always the pantser, never the pantsee!) — but the pantsing incident is pretty much exactly like picking Albert Pujols in BTS right now.

The first few times you got burned by the best player in the game, it was on him. But for the love of Allen Craig, Prince Albert has now taken 0-fers in five of his first nine games this season, including both Saturday and Sunday. He’s 5-for-35 (.143) overall with just one multi-hit effort to his name

Picking him is like walking into gym class with your shorts already around your knees: Maybe they won’t get pulled all the way down, but it’s quite the unnecessary risk.

The fellows below aren’t belt-and-suspenders safe — it is Monday after all — but, like a trusty pair of compression shorts, they should provide both comfort and support.

Monday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Todd Helton: .600 AVG (6-for-10) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Mike Pelfrey

• Kurt Suzuki: .389 AVG (7-for-18) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle

• Michael Bourn: .364 AVG (8-for-22) since ’06  vs. Cubs starter Ryan Dempster

• Carlos Lee: .344 AVG (11-for-32) since ’06 vs. Cubs starter Ryan Dempster

Todd Helton and Carlos Lee — we’re taking the “back when you were in middle school …” theme all the way!

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Seth Smith: .444 AVG (4-for-9) since ’06  vs. Mets starter Mike Pelfrey

 

You’ll thank me later …

• B.J. Upton: .133 AVG (2-for-15) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka

• Ian Kinsler: .143 AVG (2-for-14) since ’06 vs. Tigers starter Justin Verlander

• Alex Rios: .188 AVG (3-for-16) since ’06 vs. A’s starter Dallas Braden

• David DeJesus: .192 AVG (10-for-52) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle

 

Leaderboard time!

Sixty-eight of you remain a perfect 11-for-11. We’ll be a lot more impressed if 11 of you go 68-for-68.

 

Top MLB streakers

Jose Tabata: 10 games

Paul Konerko: 9 games

Six players: 8 games

(Make a BTS pick)

Don’t call it a comeback — because we were always here.

Don’t say we still got it — because we never lost it.

And don’t claim we’re having a bad hair day, because it’s the Richard Blais look and that’s what we were going for.

Yes, the Report’s top picks did go 5-for-5 yesterday. But more importantly, over 23 percent of you drank the Hawaiian Punch on those big dogs, and another 4.4 percent converted with Alex Rios.

You’re the best! No, you are! Really!

The mutual appreciation is flowing. Now we’re going to pass the hat around so you guys can get our mutual fund appreciation flowing.

And just because you’re so special to us, we’re giving you three days’ worth of picks in one post. It’s the first time ever — since last Friday.

 

Friday’s picks:

(Make a BTS pick)

Oh, hello there …

• Jorge Posada: .556 AVG (10-for-18) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter John Lackey

• David DeJesus: .524 AVG (11-for-21) since ’06 vs. Twins starter Nick Blackburn

• Hanley Ramirez: .500 AVG (7-for-14) since ’06 vs. Astros starter Wandy Rodriguez

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Juan Uribe: .476 AVG (7-for-15) since ’06 vs. Padres starter Clayton Richard

You’ll thank me later …

• Alex Rodriguez: .071 AVG (2-for-28) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter John Lackey

• Dustin Pedroia: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Phil Hughes

 

Saturday’s picks:

(Make a BTS pick)

Oh, hello there …

• Albert Pujols: .667 AVG (8-for-12) since ’06 vs. Giants starter Matt Cain

• Miguel Cabrera: .571 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. Royals starter Bruce Chen

• Robinson Cano: .467 AVG (7-for-15) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter Clay Buchholz

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Will Venable: .438 AVG (7-for-16) since ’06 vs. Dodgers starter Hiroki Kuroda

He’s Will Venable’s mom’s kid.

(Everyone tosses out a “Max Venable’s kid” shoutout when they mention Will Venable. How about some props for mom, guys?)

You’ll thank me later …

• Chone Figgins: .000 AVG (0-for-11) since ’06 vs. Indians starter Justin Masterson

• Justin Upton: .125 AVG (2-for-16) since ’06 vs. Reds starter Bronson Arroyo

 

Sunday’s picks:

Oh, hello there …

• Johnny Damon: .667AVG (10-for-15) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Gavin Floyd

• Rafael Furcal: .615 AVG (8-for-13) since ’06 vs. Padres starter Aaron Harang

• Miguel Cabrera: .529 AVG (9-for-17) since ’06 vs. Royals starter Luke Hochevar

• David Wright: .476 AVG (10-for-21) since ’06 vs. Nationals starter Jason Marquis

Yes, we realized Miggy was also a top pick for Friday. That’s why you get a bonus Rafael Furcal today!

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Ramon Hernandez: .417 AVG (7-for-17) since ’06 vs. Diamondbacks starter Joe Saunders

You’ll thank me later …

• Dustin Pedroia: .045 AVG (1-for-22) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter CC Sabathia

• Shane Victorino: .083AVG (2-for-24) since ’06 vs. Braves starter Derek Lowe

• Jacoby Ellsbury: .077 AVG (1-for-13) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter CC Sabathia

 

Leaderboard time!

First chance to crack double-digits this weekend. Yup, we finally got that cast removed and can now pop two knuckles at the same time.

Top MLB streakers

• Jose Tabata: 7 games

• A bunch of guys: 6 games

Take a bow, Jose. Like a giant squid among a sea of calamari, you’re both the largest and the most mysterious.

BTS headquarters received quite a strange and humorous phone call yesterday afternoon.

It’s unclear how the caller — who refused to give a name — located our unlisted number. But he did, and then demanded to speak with the person in charge of “that streaking game.”

The Vice President of Nude and Scantily Clad Programming was out of office for the day, so we assumed that meant us.

“So, uhh, I had a streak of like two, and then I didn’t make a pick yesterday, and now my streak is at zero,” he said.

“Yes, and …”

“So, uhh, I think the game is broken.”

To avoid future conversations like the 10 awkward minutes that followed, we’re going to make this as clear as possible:

To keep your streak alive, you must make a BTS pick every single day.

If you do not, your streak will return to zero. And you will be a zero.

We assume that 99 percent of you fully grasped this aspect of the game. For those who didn’t, no need to keep Googling “bts support number so lonely”. Also, Jumpstart Picks! Magic!

Thursday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Dexter Fowler: .571 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. Pirates starter Paul Maholm

• Troy Tulowitzki: .500 AVG (8-for-16) since ’06 vs. Pirates starter Paul Maholm

• Marco Scutaro: .440 AVG (11-for-25) since ’06 vs. Indians starter Fausto Carmona

• Hanley Ramirez: .467 AVG (7-for-15) since ’06  vs. Nationals starter John Lannan

• Joe Mauer: .412 AVG (7-for-17) since ’06  vs. Yankees starter A.J. Burnett

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Edgar Renteria: .481 AVG (13-for-27) since ’06 vs. Astros starter Brett Myers

• Jack Hannahan: .500 AVG (6-for-12) since ’06 vs. Red Sox starter Jon Lester

On the Milk-to-Habanero scale of spiciness, picking Jack Hannahan against Jon Lester rates a very respectable Tabasco Sauce.

 

You’ll thank me later …

• David Wright: .133 AVG (2-for-15) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Roy Halladay

• Brandon Phillips: .158 AVG (3-for-19) since ’06 vs. Astros starter Brett Myers

• Manny Ramirez: .143 AVG (2-for-14) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Edwin Jackson

• Mark Teixeira: .188 AVG (3-for-16) since ’06 vs. Twins starter Francisco Liriano

 

Leaderboard time!

Seven games — good for you! If you can keep the mojo going for three more days, you’ll be only 47 days from $5.6 million cash money.

 

Top MLB streakers

Howard Kendrick: 6 games

Buster Posey: 6 games

Jose Tabata: 6 games

(Make a BTS pick)

By the time the smoke cleared Tuesday night, carnage stretched far and wide across Streakland.

That twisted hulk of hope and dreams out your left window? It’s a four-gamer dismembered by Robinson Cano. The steaming wreckage on your right? It’s barely recognizable now, but that thing was five games before it ran into Ichiro Suzuki.

And of course, there’s the 10.4 percent of you — err, us — who picked Hanley Ramirez …

We know it was painful to watch, but it’s better that you witnessed this. Six of Tuesday’s top eight picks went south, taking more than 30 percent of all Streakers back to square one with them. Only Albert Pujols and Howard Kendrick escaped unscathed.

In times like these, we have no choice but to carry on. No choice but to build our newest streaks longer and stronger than those that have fallen by the wayside. Be strong, Streakers. Grief counselors are standing by in the comments.

Wednesday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Ryan Zimmerman: .619 AVG (13-for-21) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad

• Manny Ramirez: .500 AVG (16-for-32) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Dan Haren

• Joe Mauer: .455 AVG (10-for-22) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Freddy Garcia

• Juan Pierre: .385 AVG (10-for-26) since ’06  vs. Royals starter Jeff Francis

• Orlando Hudson: .438 AVG (7-for-16) since ’06  vs. Giants starter Tim Lincecum

• Chris Coghlan: .556 AVG (5-for-9) since ’06  vs. Nationals starter Livan Hernandez

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Jason Kubel: .636 AVG (7-for-11) since ’06 vs. Yankees starter Freddy Garcia

• Melky Cabrera: .571 AVG (8-for-14) since ’06 vs. White Sox starter Mark Buehrle

You’ll thank me later …

• Jayson Werth: .050 AVG (1-for-20) since ’06 vs. Marlins starter Chris Volstad

• Ben Zobrist: .071 AVG (1-for-14) since ’06 vs. Angels starter Dan Haren

• Placido Polanco: .091 AVG (1-for-11) since ’06 vs. Mets starter Mike Pelfrey

• Josh Hamilton: .194 AVG (6-for-31) since ’06 vs. Mariners starter Felix Hernandez

• Jose Reyes: .133 AVG (2-for-13) since ’06 vs. Phillies starter Joe Blanton

Leaderboard time!

Four Games (4/1/2011-4/4/2011)

You never forget your first.

By a show of hands, how many of you Streakers out there play the fantasy baseball?

Oh, every single one of  you? NERDS! Nice propeller hats, so functional!

Just kidding — the BTS Report is a friend to the fantasy gamer (and a best friend forever to the MLB.com Fantasy Baseball 2011 gamer).

Anyway, word on the street is that Hanley Ramirez and Albert “0-for-4ever” Pujols are once again the the top two fantasy picks this season.

Is that why almost 10 percent of you vigilantly select Phlat Albert in this here BTS game day after day? Because that man is ice cold right now.  He’s 2-for-16 on the season and 0-fer his last two games. According to my fancy saber-toothed metrics, those numbers are not good.

For today, and possibly today only, the BTS Report recommends Hanley Ramirez’s five-category, position-scarce, 30/30 fantasy goodness as the first pick in your one-man draft.

Either that, or just go with Tex again. That dude is cash Monet right now.

Tuesday’s picks

(Make a BTS pick)

 

Oh, hello there …

• Hanley Ramirez: .471 AVG (8-for-17) lifetime vs. Nationals starter Jason Marquis

• Alexei Ramirez: .462 AVG (6-for-13) lifetime vs. Royals starter Luke Hochevar

• Howard Kendrick: .625 AVG (5-for-8) lifetime vs. Rays starter Jeff Niemann

• Andre Ethier: .500 AVG (5-for-10) lifetime vs. Rockies starter Jhoulys Chacin

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Alexi Casilla: .692 AVG (9-for-13) lifetime vs. Yankees starter CC Sabathia

• Nyjer Morgan: .536 AVG (15-for-28) lifetime vs. Braves starter Derek Lowe

BTS Report Bylaw No. 143.22(b) Paragraph 3 states: “Any reference to player Morgan, Nyjer must be acccompanied by link to the video clip. You know which one we’re talkin’ about.”

Compliance. We don’t make the rules around here, we just follow ’em …

 

You’ll thank me later …

• Alex Rios: .071 AVG (1-for-14) lifetime vs. Royals starter Luke Hochevar

• Jayson Werth: .105 AVG (2-for-19) lifetime vs. Marlins starter Anibal Sanchez

• Justin Morneau: .188 AVG (6-for-32) lifetime vs. Yankees starter CC Sabathia

• Troy Tulowitzki: .185 AVG (5-for-27) lifetime vs. Dodgers starter Clayton Kershaw

 

Leaderboard time!

Official BTS Report streak is now at four games. The self-promotion will continue until your streaks improve.

 

Top MLB streakers

• Matt Kemp: 4 games

• Howard Kendrick: 4 games

• Buster Posey: 4 games

• Freddy Sanchez: 4 games

What has one big picture of Ian Kinsler and a three-game hitting streak?

This blog!

That’s right, Streakers: thanks to Shin-Soo Choo, Andre Ethier and Hanley Ramirez, the BTS Report aced the weekend. For the first time in 2011, we are officially en fuego.

Don’t believe us? Check. Tha. Archive. Served!

Surely, all of you followed our roadmap to the three-game promised land, right?. Oh, you picked Albert “0-for-4” Pujols yesterday? That worked out well. It’s a dangerous jungle out there, people. Maybe stick with the guided tour next time.

Anyway, enough living in the past.

On the first Monday of the season, it’s time to seperate the lobsters from the crawfish. There are only six games scheduled, so you’ll have to deviate from the standard Mauer–Braun–Hamilton rotation for once.

JK! They’re all on the slate, along with Pujols and Ichiro. The lobsters and the crawfish will continue to swim in harmony until Thursday.

Expect our streak to reach at least six games by then.

Monday’s picks

Oh, hello there …

• Lance Berkman: .833 AVG (5-for-6) lifetime vs. Pirates starter Charlie Morton

• Jose Tabata: .714 AVG (5-for-7) lifetime vs. Cardinals starter Kyle Lohse

• Mark Teixeira: .500 AVG (6-for-12) lifetime vs. Twins starter Scott Baker

• Ian Kinsler: .350 AVG (7-for-20) lifetime vs. Mariners starter Erik Bedard

 

Feeling kinda spicy?

• Skip Schumaker: .500 AVG (6-for-12) lifetime vs. Pirates starter Charlie Morton

 

You’ll thank me later …

• Kelly Johnson: .000 AVG (0-for-6) lifetime vs. Cubs starter Randy Wells

• Alex Rodriguez: .182 AVG (2-for-11) lifetime vs. Twins starter Scott Baker

• Michael Young: .211 AVG (4-for-19) lifetime vs. Mariners starter Erik Bedard

 

Leaderboard time!

Did you hear that the BTS Report has a three-game hit streak going? If not, read the previous sentence again without the question mark or the  “Did you hear that” part.

A few of you out there in Streakland (Population: cool kids) are 4-for-4, but let’s be honest: you’re going to need to keep the flame burning for about another fortnight before getting mentioned by name in this space.

 

Top MLB streakers

• Matt Kemp: 4 games

• Howard Kendrick: 4 games

• Buster Posey: 4 games

• Freddy Sanchez: 4 games